Drunk Guy: I'm pregnant and the baby's eight beers old!
Quinby Basement
Girl 1: OMG, my mom like totally embarrassed me the other day...
Girl 2: Aren't your parents in London?
Girl 1: Yeah, but when they called, my mom was like, "We just took the train to France!" And I was like, "OMG, mom, don't you know that England is totally an island?" She is so stupid sometimes.
Moulton
The new fitness center will be fully stocked.
Guy 1: Tomorrow we definitely need to run and go to the gym.
Guy 2: What? Tomorrow we're getting more rum and gin?
Reed
We were not the cool kids. Ever.
Girl: I'm sensing a little sarcasm.
Guy: No shit, Sherlock.
Girl: Constipated, Watson?
Guy: What elementary humor.
Girl: Did we mean to do that?
West
Drunk Girl: Dude! You work at dining services right? They should add chili to super snacks.
Dining Services Employee: OK. Fill out a comment card.
Drunk Girl: That does not help me! Use your powers.
Thorne

